Fifty Two Weeks

Dearest Joshua David~

Hello my little treasure .... today you are fifty two weeks old .... do you know what that means?  Well, I'll give you a hint .... there are fifty two weeks in a year, so .... tomorrow's your birthday!!  Woo hoo!  

Today didn't start out very well though .... you were up on the hour, every hour, all night and this morning with a congested and runny nose.  :-P  Daddy and I were up with you either rocking you, walking with you, giving you tylenol, or taking your temperature.  You never spiked a fever, though you felt warm to me.  I think you finally fell into a 'good' sleep at around 4am-4:30am.  Then, you woke back up at 7:30am, when daddy was leaving for work.  

Little man, we were all exhausted today!  Daddy came home from work and immediately took a nap!  You, luckily, took a little nap in the afternoon .... so I was able to rest while you slept on me (I had to rock you for you to fall asleep).  We played most of the day in your play place, though I took your temperature each time I changed your diaper.  You continued to stay in the normal range for your temperature, so we continued to rest at the house.  I was going to run errands today, but then thought it best for the both of us to stay in and get better.  I kept wiping your runny, little nose (which you didn't like).  :-P  I hope you feel better tomorrow for your first birthday!  Daddy and I want to take you to the State Fair, so we'll have to see how you're feeling tomorrow morning (and see how well you sleep through the night).

Oh little man .... I remember a year ago today so well .... I was at work and did not feel well.  I actually went home sick that day after lunch .... the only day I have ever gone home early from work.  I didn't feel well a few days prior, but people kept thinking it was normal pregnancy symptoms.  I had a crushing feeling in my chest, which everyone told me was heartburn.  I was taking everything to get any sort of relief.  I knew I had my 30 week OB check up the next morning at 8am .... little did I know you and I were very, very sick .... little did I know we were suffering from Pre-Eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome .... little did I know I was going to have an emergency C-section the very next day and that you would be born at 1:11pm!  I really wish, little Joshua, that I could have kept you in my womb for longer so that you could have grown healthier and not have to stay in the hospital for 8.5 weeks .... but God works in mysterious ways and He knew what He was doing a year ago.  

I don't remember if I ever told you this, but after I had you one of my friends sent me an email about how God chooses preemies and mothers.  The story goes:

"Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
a few by social pressures,

and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen?


Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his
instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he
observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. 

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles.
"Give her a preemie."


The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?
She's so happy."


"Exactly," smiles God.
"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That
would be cruel."


"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.


"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea
of self-pity and despair.  Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. 

Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time,
she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--
ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--
and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side." 

My little Joshua .... my little preemie, treasure, and miracle from God ....  you and Peanut are so special to daddy and I .... always remember that throughout life .... it will take years for you to understand some of these letters, but when you're old enough, I hope you're able to treasure them to see what blessings God has given to us and our family .... 

I pray that you feel and sleep better tonight ....

I love you forever and ever!

~Mommy